1 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:07,960 ALL CHEER 2 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,080 Oh, my God! 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,160 Oh, shame! 4 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,840 Wow! There he is. An artist. 5 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,160 Oh, for God's sake. 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,600 He's only done the odd portrait. 7 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,040 He spent most of his life working in Homebase. All right! 8 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,800 DOORBELL RINGS 9 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,200 Hang on, what are you going to say? 10 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,400 What do you mean? To Frank, about the painting? 11 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,880 Oh, I'll just say something good and classy, yet barbed. 12 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,360 Barbed? Yeah. 13 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,520 But you are going to apologise for ruining the painting? No. Absolutely not. 14 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,920 He ruined it first, in a way. 15 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,720 Well... This is his fault, if anything. 16 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,240 I just don't think you should go on the attack. I won't. 17 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,320 I'll say something pithy and strong that both humiliates him and 18 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,680 makes it clear that I'm the victim in all this. 19 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,480 With dignity. And you back yourself 20 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,520 to come up with that on the spot, do you? 21 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,960 Yeah. 22 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,480 Let's come back after Cherry's salsa class. Hmm? 23 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,680 Come on. Go, go, go, go! Quick! 24 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,120 Sam, come on! Sam! Let's get to the bubble. 25 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,680 You know, what is the point of even having a shoe rack 26 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,840 if you just leave your shoes wherever you want? 27 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,440 Completely agree. Let's get rid of it. 28 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,480 No, Sam, I'm...saying the opposite. 29 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,040 Oh, right. And why is there a grabber on the floor? 30 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,360 Anyone? That's mine, Rachel! 31 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,920 I can't bend down to get things since me hip replacement. 32 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,360 I mean, I would pick it up, but I'd need another grabber. 33 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,840 OK, OK. And can you put this bow away, please? 34 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,000 Paul? I'm job hunting! 35 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,880 Who is it, anyway? What do you mean? 36 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:42,000 Well, we only ever tidy up if someone's coming over, so who is it? 37 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,320 That's not strictly true. We do sometimes Hoover. 38 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,080 But, yes, it's Frank from number 2 about the family portrait. 39 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,360 What?! Yeah. We're not actually doing that, are we? 40 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,880 I thought you were joking. What's a data analyst? 41 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,200 Yes, of course we are. SAM: Do I have to sit and pose for it? 42 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,920 Yes. And put the camera down, please. Oh! 43 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,120 Getting a family portrait is really weird. No! And vain. 44 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,080 It's like something Vladimir Putin would do. 45 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,360 Yes, and I'm sure all the rest 46 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,280 of the Putins would be very appreciative. 47 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,400 Rach, do you think I could be a data analyst? 48 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,760 Erm, I wouldn't have thought so, 49 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,320 hon, given you don't know what it is. 50 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,480 Are there no bows and arrows 51 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,400 vacancies, then, Paul? 52 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,080 Er, no, no. 53 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,760 No-one's advertising for a freelance archer, Mum. 54 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,640 Surprisingly. Although I did hear that they were looking for someone 55 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,840 to work behind the bar at the Red Lion pub. 56 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,240 Oh, really? Yeah. 57 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,720 So I was thinking I might go for that. 58 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,600 You should. You look just like a barman. Oh, yeah? 59 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,000 H-How, exactly? 60 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,640 Well, you know, hearty. 61 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,000 Oh, yeah. 62 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,120 Yeah. I mean, I suppose I am, really. Yeah, yeah. 63 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,840 Oh, you having another bag, then? 64 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,280 Yeah, he's like a chain smoker. 65 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,520 Well, Amy's got us starting this month-long detox thing tomorrow 66 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,200 so, you know, I thought I'd... Eat a month's worth of fudge today. 67 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,400 Pretty much, yeah. You what? Detox? 68 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,960 That's a bit hippy-dippy, isn't it? 69 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,600 If you consider not dying from heart disease hippy-dippy, 70 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,680 then yes. Exactly. 71 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,880 It's a month without meat, booze, caffeine, sugar and dairy. 72 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,760 But what else is there? I mean, there's nothing left. DOORBELL RINGS 73 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,120 There's vegetables. Yeah. Salad. Mm-hm. Bran. 74 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,120 It's only for a month. I'm looking forward to it, actually. 75 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,480 What, salad and bran? 76 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,120 Frank! Frank, hello, how are you? 77 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,160 Excellent, thank you. 78 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,920 I've just had reiki. 79 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,040 I'll just slip my Crocs off, Rachel. Oh, no, it's f... 80 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,720 Well... Now, then. I love peeking at other houses in the street. 81 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,560 I've gone completely open-plan. Game changer. Ah. 82 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,680 Morning, all. 83 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,480 Frank Walmsley, portrait artist. Yes, this is.... 84 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,280 This is everyone. 85 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,600 Paul, you know. Amy. Hi. 86 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,840 And this is Sam. SAM: All right? Ah, yes. 87 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,600 Nice to meet you. Is he filming? 88 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,200 Yeah, he will do that. 89 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,080 Hello, I'm Sue. 90 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,240 Frank Walmsley. 91 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,600 Hello, hello. 92 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,120 Now, will you want us on our feet, Frank? 93 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,920 Because I've just had a hip replaced, and if I have to stand 94 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,000 for long, I will look very distressed in the portrait. 95 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,760 Well, I work off of a photo... Oh. 96 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,800 ..so I'll be super duper quick, I promise. 97 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,040 I had a new hip installation myself last year, 98 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,680 so I understand - intimately. 99 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,480 Oh, did you? 100 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,000 Now, how long before you could bend over? 101 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,960 OK, Mum, that's a bit personal. 102 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,760 I'm only asking! Now, are you swimming? 103 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:27,680 No. If you are, you will be bending like blimming Beckham 104 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,200 in no time at all. 105 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,720 Oh, I'll try that, then. 106 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,760 But you can stand, sit, cuddle... 107 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:35,920 Ooh! Cuddle... 108 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,160 ..any arrangement for the portrait will be fine. 109 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,200 Not cuddle. You don't want a cuddle? No! 110 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,040 Where to do this? Oh, fantastic. 111 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:48,200 This is the lightest room, I guess. The garden room. So... 112 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,040 I put a new stone fireplace in mine. 113 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,160 Aegean limestone. Gorgeous! 114 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,000 Oh! Oh. 115 00:04:55,080 --> 00:05:00,000 Yeah, you know, well, as long as we all look nice, I really don't mind. 116 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,520 Sorry? I don't follow. 117 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,120 Well, we just want to all look nice in the painting. 118 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,520 That's the main thing. 119 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,200 Yes. Well, you'll look how you look. 120 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,000 Well, no, I know, but, 121 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,680 I'm just saying, you don't have to just copy the photo. 122 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,560 You can, you know, make it a bit...kind. 123 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,760 Kind? What do you mean? 124 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,640 Well... She means propaganda. 125 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,040 Yes, thank you. Yeah, no. I just mean, you know, nice. 126 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,960 Nicer than... Yeah. 127 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,160 I'm an artist, Rachel. 128 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:34,000 I'm a servant of the truth. And the client. That's standard, no? 129 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,840 I'm sure Michelangelo didn't have to 130 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,040 make Jesus quite so buff all the time, did he? 131 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,560 Oh, I see. You want to look like Jesus. 132 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,760 Well, perhaps I should give you a halo as well, hmm? 133 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,000 No, I don't want to look like... 134 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,160 Shall we take this photo, then? 135 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,600 Yeah. Let's line up. Great. 136 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,480 You can't wear that. What? What's wrong with it? Can you change? 137 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,480 I've changed! OK. 138 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,440 Oh, yeah. There she is. 139 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,680 Judas Jessop, the job thief. 140 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,320 Oh, God, get over it! 141 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,360 Yeah, that's not get into that again. I'm over it. 142 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,440 So how's it going? Has it started? 143 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,480 Well, no, I don't think so. 144 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,000 There's no-one really in there. 145 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,640 Oh. Oh. Yeah. 146 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:13,840 Hiya! 147 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,320 Hi! How's it going? Yeah. 148 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,040 How's it look like it's going? Badly. 149 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,960 Don't say that, Sam! 150 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,720 It is going badly. Right, see? Yes. Oh. 151 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,760 Because this div forgot to say which Red Lion we were in, 152 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,080 so now everyone's gone to different pubs. 153 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,120 Oh, no. 154 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,680 Except Kay. All right? 155 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,720 And Dave, to be fair. Doing it here was all very lastminute.com, 156 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,720 and there are a staggering number of Red Lions out there, actually. 157 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,720 Probably more than there are actual lions, yellow ones. 158 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,040 DOOR OPENS Oh, here we are, Cherry. Oh. 159 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,320 Hiya! Are you here for the salsa class 160 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:52,240 or the loo? Loo. Second door on the left, mate. 161 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,880 That keeps happening an' all. Oh... 162 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,200 Honestly, I shouldn't even be doing this in a bloody pub. 163 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,000 It's so embarrassing. Well, it's... It's nice. 164 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,320 Oh, shit. Nicky, Yaz 165 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,080 and Ugly Chris are in the Red Lion in Hitchin. 166 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,920 Tell them to come to this one. 167 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,120 They've already ordered food, though. Oh! 168 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,200 Oh, I've eaten in that Red Lion before. It's pure goals, man. 169 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,400 Lamb shank was absolutely dripping off the bone. 170 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,880 And? 171 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:18,880 Right. 172 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,720 Mm, can I get another half of Amstel in there 173 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,520 when you get a second, my love? Thank you. 174 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,000 Actually, on that subject, though, 175 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,080 if you could all order something, food and drink, 176 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,400 that would really help me out. 177 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,600 There's this, like, £30 minimum spend when hiring the room, so... 178 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,120 Well, how's that going to work? 179 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,680 People can't eat and dance at the same time, can they? 180 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:36,960 They can if they get burgers. 181 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,720 Oh, that is good... Great... We're eating at home, actually. 182 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,280 We've got some lentils soaking, so... 183 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,440 Oh, you're still on your detox, are you? Mm. 184 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,760 One day more. Lamers. 185 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,840 Hang on, 30? 186 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,360 No, the minimum spend is 300. 187 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,560 Not 30. 188 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,240 Ooh... Ow. 189 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,440 HE SNIGGERS 190 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,680 I-Is it? Yeah. Best make it a pint, then, love. 191 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:00,800 It's all right. 192 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,520 Oh, Rachel, that's fantastic! I agree, I love it. What?! 193 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,400 Well, that's because you're looking at yourselves. 194 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,880 Look at me! 195 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,200 Look at how old he's made me. 196 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,480 Well, you're just looking at yourself as well. 197 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,360 Well, of course I am. I can't look away. 198 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,000 It's like a horror film. I look like I'm about a million. 199 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,240 No, you look a lot less than that. 200 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,320 Anyway, you'll grow into it. Grow into it? 201 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,640 DOORBELL RINGS 202 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,640 It's supposed to be a nice family portrait, Sue, 203 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,320 not a coat for a toddler. Well, I think he's captured us perfectly. 204 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,120 Yeah, well, you would say that. He's made you look really chiselled. 205 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,840 That's just how I look, love... Robin and Cherry are here. 206 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,280 Oh! Hi, Robin! Cherry, you all right? 207 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,360 Oh, let me think, am I all right? 208 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,720 Well, put it this way, Paolo - Bitcoin went past 45. 209 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,160 Huh? Is that good? 210 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,720 Amazing, apparently. 211 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,160 Interesting shirt. 212 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,200 Oh, my Godfathers! 213 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,480 You look like Torvill and Dean! 214 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,240 Yeah, we're off to salsa. 215 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,280 Keep the camera up here, Sam, while I'm in this. 216 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,720 Who are Torvill and Dean? 217 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,200 Who are Torvill and Dean? 218 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,800 Wow. I've heard it all now. 219 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,680 Hi. We thought we'd take a squizz at this portrait. 220 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,040 Oh, I'd probably rather you didn't, to be honest. 221 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,880 I didn't know you had bitcoin, Robin. 222 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,360 Well, not a whole one, to be fair. 223 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,080 Me, Dean and Gelsman got a third each. 224 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,760 Yeah, he's got a BIT of a bitcoin. 225 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,240 I'm sorry. What is it? 226 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,280 You've got a big coin, Robin? 227 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,240 No. It's not a real coin, Granny. 228 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,880 It's a sort of virtual currency. 229 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960 It's a cryptocurrency, so it only exists online 230 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,840 and you do transactions in the blockchain. 231 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,760 I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to Mum. 232 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,560 She still doesn't understand £2 coins. 233 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,360 I do understand them, thank you very much. 234 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,800 I just don't trust them. 235 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,840 Well, not being vulgar, 236 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,280 but so far this year, it's made me about eight grand. Eight grand?! 237 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,920 Oh, my Godfathers! I'd honestly 238 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,120 have to work at the pub all year to earn that. 239 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,800 Oh, did you get that job at the pub, then, Paul? 240 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,280 Not yet, no, but it's basically a done deal. 241 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,200 Ravi said there's only one other applicant, so we're... 242 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,720 Oh. Oh, Rach. 243 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,680 My tummy. AMY: Tummy. 244 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,000 Are you five years old? Oh, God, is he all right? 245 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,080 Yeah, no, we're just in the middle of this detox, 246 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,480 and Paul's had quite a bad reaction, so... 247 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,560 Shame. In the middle? 248 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,560 We've been doing it for, like, six days. 249 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,960 Rach? Yeah? 250 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,840 I'm not in it. Yeah, well, you didn't pose for it, Cherry. 251 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,640 Were you expecting to be in it? 252 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,520 Well, I wasn't sure, to be honest. 253 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,960 It's a lucky escape, really, because I mean, look at me. 254 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,200 Oh, God! He's just given me extra wrinkles on purpose. 255 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,800 He's basically punished me for asking to look nice, the bastard! 256 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,280 He's given me grey hairs as well, which I don't have. 257 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,360 Aren't there a few? 258 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,120 No, there aren't, actually. Oh... 259 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,720 I mean, I could probably fix it. 260 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,160 I could lose some of the wrinkles around the mouth. 261 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,160 Oh, yeah, Botox would sort that right out. 262 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,680 In the portrait! 263 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,280 I could touch it up a bit. 264 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,160 Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Like Photoshop? Yes. Mm-hm 265 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,920 SHRILL RINGING, KLAXON SOUNDS 266 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,560 Oh, my God, what's that? PAUL MOANS 267 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,760 That'll be my mobile phone. 268 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,160 Oh, I hate this. 269 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,480 It's like an air raid, isn't it? 270 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,640 This is exciting! 271 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,280 Ridiculous. 272 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,440 8659? 273 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,160 Yes, speaking. 274 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,400 Oh, yes. Very sexy phone voice, Sue. 275 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,840 So, where's the salsa class? 276 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,760 That is uncanny. 277 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,880 It's seven o'clock at the church hall, but it will start late, 278 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,160 though, because the Cubs always run over. 279 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,760 Right... Selfish little pricks. 280 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,400 They piss me right off, them Cubs. 281 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,280 Last week, Cherry nearly tripped on a woggle. 282 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,200 Oh, no. A woggle?! What's a woggle? 283 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,240 It's a little plastic hoopy thing the scarf goes in, babe. 284 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,960 It's called a woggle. 285 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,080 Wow. 286 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,080 He's so clever, in't he? 287 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,000 And kind. Do you know, Robin, as promised, 288 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,640 has actually helped me set up my own dance class. 289 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,720 And I dance with the instructor anyway, 290 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,400 so I'm definitely good enough. 291 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,040 Oh, she really is. Honestly, the way she swings those hips about, 292 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,280 it's like watching tennis. 293 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,120 Do you two not dance together, then? 294 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,600 No. Not yet. 295 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:52,960 Robin's a beginner. 296 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,400 He can't even do a basic Cubana! THEY CHUCKLE 297 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,080 And he really does get very sweaty, don't you? I do, actually. Yeah. 298 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,800 No, especially the palms, they are, aren't they, gushers. Urgh! 299 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,680 I don't know why. So who do you dance with, then, Robin? 300 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,640 No, I don't. I just dance... Just generally, just on my tod. 301 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,120 But my class is not going to be in some crummy church hall, is it? 302 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,760 No. We're going upmarket, aren't we, babe? We are. 303 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,240 We're already in touch with Body Explosion Dance Studios. 304 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,680 So good. But if my bitcoin keeps on surging, genuinely thinking 305 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,640 about hiring out your friend and mine, The Shard. 306 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,440 Oh, very dramatic! That's miles away. 307 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,560 Right... It's in London, is what it is. 308 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,880 ..I've got some good news. 309 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,200 Oh, have you managed to change your ringtone? 310 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,640 THEY CHUCKLE The pool's arriving on Wednesday. 311 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,040 What?! Oh, congratulations. 312 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,600 What pool? My pool. 313 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:41,000 I've ordered a pool, so make sure you're in on Wednesday. 314 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,520 It's coming here?! Well, yeah. 315 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,120 Well, it'll ruin my lawn if I put it in my garden. 316 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,360 What about our lawn? 317 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,920 Well, screw our lawn. We'll take the pool. Thanks, Granny! 318 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,280 Sick! And I'm here more than I'm at home anyway, so... 319 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,000 Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. I know. Yeah. 320 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,480 You never told me you bought a pool. 321 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,720 I bought a pool. Yeah, and why have you done that? 322 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,400 Well, for me hip exercises. Oh, I see, right. 323 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,760 So you're just foisting it on us, are you? Foisting?! 324 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,640 We'll have it, if you don't want it. 325 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,920 I didn't say that. You can always foist on us, Sue. 326 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,320 You live in a flat. With a parking space, though. Hang on. 327 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,840 Where's my Suzuki going to go? 328 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,120 I'll be honest, I've not thought it through. 329 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,560 We'll take the pool. This is amazing! 330 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,320 I'm telling Maya! No, because I have not approved this yet! 331 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,960 Rach... Oh! Oh, no, my tummy's gone. 332 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,440 I got you. I got you, big guy. PAUL GROANS 333 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,760 Rachel, just give us a biscuit. 334 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,400 OK. Sam, you get a father one of those sugar-free oat biscuits, 335 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,920 please? No, a normal one. Not a normal one! 336 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,280 Right, so, two more apple pies. Mm-hm. 337 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,720 Another pint of Amstel. I'll try and squeeze in another sirloin. 338 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,600 Let's go medium rare this time, mix it up. 339 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,720 Another pint for you, Deano? Mm. 340 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,080 Take one for the team, yeah. Rach, Paolo? 341 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,640 Yeah, can I just have a fizzy water, please? 342 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:51,680 What?! No. 343 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,440 Rach, I've got to spend 300 quid here. 344 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,600 Robin, it's the last day of our family detox, 345 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,680 there is genuinely nothing else we can have on here. 346 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,760 So end it now, then. No, no. 347 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,600 We're so close. 348 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,600 Why is there no vegan food on here? 349 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,320 I don't know. Ridiculous! 350 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,800 Well, she had mussels earlier while I was pinging up the tinsel. 351 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,400 Oh... What?! Oh, my God! 352 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,960 Oh, my God. Is this a joke? 353 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,440 Have you been eating meat at work the last month? 354 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,560 Well, no, that's... 355 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,520 Shellfish don't have a face, 356 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,800 so technically you can argue that they're actually...plants. 357 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,640 Oh, can you? Yeah. You can argue that, can you? Yep. 358 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,080 Judas, again! Oh! 359 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,360 Double Judas! 360 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,040 Do you have any idea how difficult this last month 361 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,360 has been for me, Amy? Mm. No sugar, no booze. 362 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,080 Well, you're not getting either of those from mussels, Dad. 363 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,520 Yeah, it's the principle, though, isn't it? Yes, it is. You know? 364 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,920 Right, that's it. I'm going to have the pork belly. What?! 365 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,800 I'm going to have the chocolate fondant, two cappuccinos 366 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,160 and a pint of Guinness Extra Cold. Yes, Paolo, he's back! Pao-lo-o! 367 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,840 Seriously, you're breaking the detox on the last day? 368 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,360 You broke it first, mate. Oh, and a side order of wedges. 369 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,360 Great. Rach? I'm going to have the fish and chips, a mojito 370 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,600 and a bowl of butter. 371 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,120 Oh, yeah, just go for it. Yeah, yeah. God, I'm trembling 372 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,720 just thinking about it. Me too. I'm going to see if Mum's eaten. 373 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,000 Absolutely love it. MAYA: I mean, you didn't tell me it was one of these ones. It's a beauty. 374 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,560 What ones? 375 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,840 It's a swimming pool, isn't it? Yeah, well, I figured 376 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,880 it would go down...into the ground. 377 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,200 Yeah. This is a bit more like a jacuzzi. 378 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,760 Yeah, without the bubbles. Oh, there'll be bubbles! 379 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,920 What with the amount of lentils Amy's got us eating. Unbelievable. 380 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,320 Oh, great. Yeah, this just gets better and better. 381 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,800 Well, I'm sorry for dragging you all the way from uni 382 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,840 for a substandard swimming pool. 383 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,560 Hey, as long as I get free drinks in your pub, I'm happy. 384 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,320 It's hardly her pub. 385 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,040 She's basic bar staff. 386 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,720 Oh, Dad's upset because I got the job instead of him. 387 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,920 I'm upset for them, yes, 388 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,040 because you are the least hearty person I've ever met, Amy. 389 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,600 You working on Saturday 30th? 390 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,160 Yeah, probably. Why? 391 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,200 I've got my first salsa class, booked in at Body Explosion. 392 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,400 Seven o'clock sharp. 393 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,960 Could you not get The Shard then? 394 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,440 No. Bit pricey in the end. 395 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,320 Body Explosion is not cheap, mind you, 396 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,760 but should be all right as long as bitcoin 397 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,040 grows a pair and climbs back up again. 398 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,920 Has it gone down, has it, Robin? It's taken a minor nosedive, yeah, 399 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,640 after Elon did another one of his weird tweets. 400 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,440 The function room at the Red Lion's free to hire if you need it. 401 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,400 Keep talking. Well, there's like a £30 minimum spend, I think. Hmm... 402 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,840 That's... 403 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,440 Yeah, no, that's not funny. That's a bad idea. 404 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,520 I wasn't joking. Yeah, I was joking. All right? Don't want that, thank you. 405 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,520 Here we go! HE CHUCKLES 406 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,000 She's ready! 407 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,480 She's ready, Rach! Mum! 408 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,520 I'm going to go and get my underwater camera. 409 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,920 Course you are. Sicko. 410 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,400 Rach! Stop fiddling with the painting, she's ready! 411 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,280 Yes, one second! 412 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,160 Jesus. AMY: Mum, you look like a zombie. 413 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,360 Oh, that is terrifying! 414 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,600 Yeah, I reckon leave it now, Mum. Yes, I know, I will. 415 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,440 Just the face... The face has gone a bit...plague-y. 416 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,160 So... 417 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,680 I mean, that's just... Just horrible. 418 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,800 Oh! Oh, Granny's ready! 419 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:10,840 Hey, let's get this show in the pool! Yeah! 420 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,560 Oh, this is the life. That is lovely. 421 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,360 Ooh, it's like being on holiday! 422 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,720 Yeah, budget holiday, maybe. 423 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,200 Did you not think to mix any water with that chlorine, Paul! 424 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,720 It is chlorinated, Maya, thank you. Reassuringly chlorinated. 425 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400 In fact, it'll probably kill any parasites we might be carrying. 426 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,920 Oh, great. So like a sheep dip? 427 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,920 Oh, my God! This is genuinely fantastic. 428 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,080 Tell me about it, right? I'm going to use it every day. 429 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,320 OK, I'm coming in! Huh? 430 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,080 Geronimo! Whoa! 431 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,920 No! 432 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,040 Oh! 433 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:51,400 No diving, please, Amy. I'm not diving, I'm jumping. 434 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,280 Oh, jumping either, or bombing, OK? It's very unsafe. 435 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,160 That is a rule. 436 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,680 So what can we do? Just stand still? 437 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,440 No, you can swim! 438 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,680 You know, do lengths. Lengths? It's round. 439 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,040 Well, you know, diameters, then, circumferences. 440 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,600 Bloody hell. Which ones are they? 441 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,600 What about heavy petting - is that allowed? 442 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,040 Not with me, it's not, no. 443 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,840 Not with anyone, thank you. 444 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,920 This pool is primarily for my hip exercises, 445 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,760 not for your funny business. 446 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,560 Nature's hip exercises. 447 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,560 No, no heavy petting, thank you, Robin, and no veruccas, either. 448 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,640 Oh, no, really? Out you get, then. 449 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,200 Oh, gross! Don't you shame me. It's a virus. 450 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,840 Oh, my grandad does something called chair yoga, Sue, 451 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,080 for his hips. Absolutely swears by it. 452 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,600 Ooh, I like the sound of chair. 453 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,680 Whoa, what is that in the water? 454 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,240 Dad, what is that? 455 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,640 Oh, God, has someone spilled something. CHERRY: What? No. 456 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,400 Have they bled? Has someone bled something. What is it?! 457 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,600 No, no, I'm getting out. 458 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,840 What is it?! It's like an orangey-brown colour. 459 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,480 It's like the squits, maybe. Oh! 460 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,360 Oh! 461 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,560 I think it's coming from you, Mum. Oh, yeah... 462 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,480 Oh, my God, Rach, have you squitted? 463 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:04,200 No! No, I... Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. 464 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,240 What is it?! 465 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,040 Yeah! Have you? 466 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,600 Yeah, I think it must be hair dye. 467 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,840 Whose hair dye? You don't use hair dye, do you? 468 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,080 Well... Since when have you used hair dye? 469 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,320 Since the painting and everything. Oh. I do have a few greys, 470 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,520 it turns out. CHERRY: You do. 471 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,000 Quite a few. 472 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,480 Yeah. Well, I didn't realise it came out in water, so... 473 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,120 Oh, in chlorine... 474 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,040 ..it will, yeah. I mean, I knew that. 475 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,800 Great. So the pool's red now, is it? 476 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,600 Oh, oh, I've got it! 477 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,480 Why don't we add some white hair dye to cancel out the red, 478 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,080 like you do with wine? 479 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,920 Shut up! Not in this situation, Robin. No. 480 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,520 I mean, it's more a sort of greeny, swampy brown... Mm. ..river 481 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,840 than it is red. 482 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,360 Yeah. Yeah, apologies. 483 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,600 I mean, apologies. 484 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,560 So do we empty the pool or what? 485 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,560 Empty it?! You've got to be joking, haven't you? 486 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,960 How you going to empty it? It'll be like Noah's Ark? 487 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,440 Nah, nah. I'm going to keep it like this. 488 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,880 Hey! Well, so the water's a little bit brown. 489 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,280 So what? Who cares? 490 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:06,720 I don't. You know, no-one else has got a brown pool, have they? 491 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,520 Huh? It's like swimming in a river. 492 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,960 One, two, three, left forward... 493 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,320 Oh, my God, this is better than sex. 494 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,520 Yeah... All right! 495 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,440 Yeah, I agree with you, but don't... 496 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,080 You want to imagine you're drawing an eight 497 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,920 with a pencil up your bum. 498 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,520 Come on, that's it. Roll those hips, Sue. 499 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,920 I'd rather not roll me new hip, to be honest, Cheryl. 500 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,520 You need to keep up with your swimming, Mum. 501 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,800 You haven't done your hip exercises for weeks. 502 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,960 I'm over the pool now, Paul. 503 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:43,000 I'm actually doing chair yoga, and it's working wonders. 504 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,520 MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES Oh, God, it's Frank. 505 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,360 Well, what time is he expecting the picture? 506 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,200 About an hour ago. 507 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,600 Oh, I'll call him back. 508 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,560 He's doing the robot. 509 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,600 It's not funny. Yeah, it's not funny. That's not funny, Dean. 510 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,000 Ugh! Ugh! 511 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,280 How is it, Dad? 512 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,040 Horrible. 513 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,640 Obviously. 514 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,120 It's like being in a huge cup of tea. 515 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,080 There's something about swimming in circles that's quite depressing, 516 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,000 you know, existentially. 517 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,200 Like I'm going down a drain. 518 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,480 Yeah, that's probably the detox talking. Yeah. 519 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,640 I'm just so low. 520 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,960 I need a doughnut or a beer, you know? 521 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,560 Rach? 522 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:44,800 Rach? 523 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,400 Can we have one beer while Amy's at work? No! 524 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,040 Come on, it's one more week! 525 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,600 Oh, my God, Rach! 526 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,200 Stop fiddling with it! 527 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,960 I know! I can't, though. 528 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,040 I keep trying to fix it and making it worse. 529 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,400 I feel like someone in a documentary who's addicted 530 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,960 to plastic surgery. DOORBELL RINGS 531 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,920 Oh, God. That is so bad. 532 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,640 Like I'm married to Mick Jagger. 533 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,720 My only hope is, if I just keep at it long enough, 534 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,520 I might gradually learn how to paint. 535 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,560 Oh...! Rachel, hello! Mind if I pop in? 536 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,040 Frank, hi! 537 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,080 HIDE IT! Huh?! 538 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,200 Sorry? Hi. Hi-de-hi. Hi. 539 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,560 It's Frank, Paul! 540 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,840 Hi, Frank! All right? 541 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,800 I'd really rather you didn't film me. 542 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,800 Hmm. Maybe Don't come in our house, then. 543 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,000 Everything all right, is it, Frank? 544 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,040 Marvellous. 545 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,720 I found a £10 note in a clematis. Oh! 546 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,920 But that wasn't what I came to tell you. 547 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,520 I'm actually having a little exhibition next Saturday evening. 548 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,400 Wow. So you should, an artist with your... 549 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,080 Yes, we'd love to come. 550 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,240 Of course, yes. 551 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,880 And given that it turned out so well, I simply must include 552 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,720 that super portrait of your lovely family. 553 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,160 Oh, do you know, I don't know if I can part with it, Frank. 554 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,640 I just... I just love it so much. 555 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,000 Oh, bless you. 556 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,280 I will take good care of it. 557 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,240 I give you my word as an artist 558 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,720 and as the chairman of the Hazel Road Allotment Association. Aw... 559 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:19,320 Even so, I... Where have you hung it? I'd love to see it in situ. 560 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,880 No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No? Oh... 561 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,480 You can't see it currently. 562 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,680 Oh, well, why not? 563 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,600 Because... Yes? 564 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,360 Because... It's being framed! It's being FRAMED! Brilliant. 565 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,320 It's being framed at the moment, which may take weeks, months, 566 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,640 maybe, even... I love you. Love you too. Oh, surely not. 567 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:45,120 Who's doing it? The framers. In town. The one near Lidl? Yes. No. 568 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,120 No. Not that one. The... 569 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,360 Well, you must mean Mr Frampton's, then? No. 570 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:51,600 Hmm... 571 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,800 Well, yes, if that's the new one. 572 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:58,080 And, well, look, I'll telephone Mr Frampton first thing Monday 573 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,160 morning and chivvy him along. No. Make sure it's ready in time. 574 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,360 Nah, don't do that. 575 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,320 Well, no, I insist. Mr Frampton won't mind. 576 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,120 He's my Boggle partner. Oh. Great. 577 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,800 I'm collecting it on Monday. 578 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,480 In fact, I just remembered that, 579 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,800 so you don't need to call Mr Frampton. There's no need. 580 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,400 Oh, so, wonderful. 581 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,160 Yeah. You can bring it round, then. 582 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,640 Just trying to think of any other reason why I can't do that. 583 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,880 Why can't I do that? Why can't I do that? Why can't I...?! 584 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,320 I have the runs. Yeah, I can. 585 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,040 I can, of course, do that. Yes. 586 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,840 Any time before seven on Saturday. 587 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,760 OK. Bye. Great. 588 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,800 Ta-ta, then. Ta-ta. 589 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,880 Ta-ta, then. 590 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,000 Rach? 591 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,880 What are you going to do? 592 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,680 I'm going to fix it. 593 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,240 I'm going to put it back to how it was, and I'm going to frame it. 594 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:50,960 Got a week. Yeah, I can do that. 595 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,840 I can do that. Really? 596 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,400 You've got this. 597 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,480 So, all together, it comes to... 598 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,640 ..drum roll, please... Oh, here we go. 599 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,560 DRUMMING 600 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,760 ..£303.65. 601 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,840 CHEERING Yes! 602 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,160 Well done, everyone. Well done. 603 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,040 Well, that worked out perfectly. 604 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,680 Well, no, it didn't, cos no-one bloody came. 605 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:20,960 Apart from that bit, yeah. 606 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,760 I'll have another pint of Amstel anyway. 607 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,120 Can you go next door? Cos I want to close this bar now. 608 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,400 Anyone else? PHONE BUZZES 609 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,000 It's Frank. It's Frank. I've got to get it. 610 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,240 Frank, yes, we're on our way. 611 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,320 Yeah, right now. Right now. 612 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,600 Yeah. DOORBELL RINGS 613 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,720 Back again, then. 614 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,200 Genuinely, what are you going to say? 615 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,280 I... DOOR OPENS 616 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,280 Oh, at last! 617 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,200 Rachel and family. 618 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,400 Hi, Frank. 619 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,520 I'm so sorry. 620 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,920 Oh, God. 621 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,040 God, no. 622 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,040 What happened? 623 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,440 That's absolutely chilling! 624 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,920 No, I know. 625 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,080 Yeah, I tried to touch it up and then I got frustrated 626 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,800 and then, yeah... 627 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:15,880 ..did that. 628 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,360 But why? 629 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,880 Well, in fairness... 630 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,200 ..you had made me look quite haggard. 631 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,000 What? 632 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,120 Haggard? And I get it, you know? 633 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,480 I asked to look nice in the painting, 634 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,440 so you deliberately made me really old. 635 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,720 I mean, you know, be honest - that's what happened, right? 636 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,880 I just copied the photo. 637 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,480 Well, that is... 638 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,640 Yeah. Yeah, well played. 639 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,640 Well played. That is checkmate. 640 00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,560 Well done, well done. 641 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,400 I actually prefer it like that. Yeah. Yeah, me too, actually. 642 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,240 Stop filming me, boy! 643 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,680 Ugh... 644 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,800 Well, that went well. 645 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,200 Mm. I need a lie-down. 646 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,960 No, no, no, no, no. There's something we really need to do. 647 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,080 Please, no, Dad. I really need a shower. 648 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,320 I did a double shift today. 649 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,600 Yeah, and I've eaten an entire cheeseboard board. 650 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,560 It'll only take a second, OK? 651 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,760 OK, this is the plan. 652 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,440 I will make a careful incision in the pool's flank. 653 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,600 "Flank"? Side. 654 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,120 Creating a narrow aperture and a steady flow of water, 655 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,600 which we will collect in the buckets and take to the drains 656 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,520 in a four-person rotation. OK? RACHEL SIGHS 657 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,520 Always making sure that one person is stationed by the spout. 658 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,760 And then we'll just let Old Papa Gravity do his thang, OK? 659 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,640 God. I mean, it's ambitious. Yeah, let's do this. 660 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,800 Yeah? Let's drain a swamp. Yeah. Yeah! 661 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,760 Yeah, woo. Team. 662 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,640 Go... 663 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,080 ..Jessops! ..swamp! ..pool! 664 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,680 "Swamp"? We're draining the swamp. What did you say? "Pool." 665 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,080 Jessops! Come on, Sam. Hurry up. 666 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,160 Yeah, I'll just put the camera on the tripod. 667 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,960 Is this right? Yeah? 668 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,160 You set? Yeah, let's go. OK. OK. Nobody move. 669 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,360 This needs to be a very delicate cut. OK? 670 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,800 OK. Here goes. Let's do it. 671 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:16,840 Whoa! 672 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,680 Oh, God! Oh, my God! Argh! THEY ALL YELL 673 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,080 Get back! Oh, my God. Get the buckets! 674 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,280 Get the buckets! 675 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:30,600 Oh... Oh, it's so cold. 676 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,840 Who's got a bucket? 677 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,760 Oh, that was quicker than I expected. 678 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,880 The buckets... Where have the buckets gone? 679 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,000 I did say it would only take a second. 680 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,520 Well, I don't need a shower any more. No. 681 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,320 THEY LAUGH 682 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,920 I mean, all joking aside, I think we may have flooded someone's house.